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News Flash!
New Club in Longmont - “Fourth and Main” - Rock for Adults - nicely appointed, upscale, and comfortable! come on out and join us!
See the Schedule page for details.
Who are the Usual Suspects? What is it that they did? Where have they been hiding? Why are they America's Most Wanted? And when can they be witnessed?
Stick around for a while and absorb the entire Case File.
The things that make you go hmmmm department rings in with this:
Chemists discover new element
This hurricane mess and gasoline issues are proof that it exists. A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium". Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; however, it does not if the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Past items in the ‘things that make you go hmmm department’ can be found in the Cold Cases file.
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